The film`s so funny it`s `Scary`

I like a movie that lets you know where it`s headed early on. "Scary Movie" (Dimension/Miramax, R, VHS/DVD) lets you know from the title onward: This is going to be a movie chock full of dumb jokes, bad gags, groaning visual puns, raunchy sexual innuendo and gross humor.

The first time I saw "Scary Movie," I remember thinking "Oh, my god. I`m laughing so hard at this stuff, I`m going to blow soda through my nose." I was still thinking the same thing the third or fourth time I watched it.

New publicity for this warped parody of modern horror films claims it is "The highest grossing film in Miramax history." You can take that on any level you choose.

In attempting parody of a genre that is itself a parody (of itself) is no easy task. After all, how would you top the movie-within-the-movie in "Scream 2," which was a B-level re-creation of the original "Scream"? (Alicia Silverstone playing Drew Barrymore playing a teen girl, home alone on a dark night?)

Shawn and Marlon Wayans and their giggling gaggle of writers did just that. Big brother Keenen Ivory Wayans directed it with the perfect touch. In fact, that opening scene from "Scream" is one of my favorite in "Scary Movie."

Carmen Electra plays Silverstone playing Barrymore. As the "screaming teen" is pursued by the white-masked and hooded slasher she stops at a table in the front hall of the house. On it are two hefty knives, a pistol, a hand grenade and a banana. Naturally she picks up the banana and resumes her flight of terror.

When she bursts out the back door, she encounters two yellow street signs. One has an arrow pointing toward "Safety." The other has an arrow pointing in the opposite direction, toward "Death." I won`t even insult your intelligence by revealing which path she takes.

This is the road down which "Scary Movie" gleefully sprints, gags tumbling out of the bag so fast and frequently that you haven`t a moment to figure out if they`re funny or not. Many of them are not, but you can`t stop laughing at the funny ones. There isn`t a horror flick of recent mintage that escapes the razor`s edge here. Even popular (at the time) TV fare, like "Dawson`s Creek", is not spared.

Is there a story in all this? Loosely, a slasher is eliminating members of a teen clique, each in a more horrifyingly funny way than the previous one. He knows what they did last Halloween, or something. Along the way, everything and everybody gets skewered, including that sitting duck among horror pics, "The Blair Witch Project." There is a nifty "Usual Suspects" conclusion. Even "Shakespeare in Love" takes a few bruises.

Anna Faris makes her movie debut as the lead character, Cindy Campbell, a la Sidney, the Neve Campbell heroine in the "Scream" series. She plays the role with deft comedic timing and enough sexual energy to blend in with the horny cast of "Dawson`s Creek." Jon Abrahams is her frustrated boyfriend Bobby. Shannon ("American Pie") Elizabeth plays Cindy`s dim-bulb, slutty pal Buffy. Brassy Regina Hall is the other half of the clueless gal-pal bookends as Brenda. She meets her end in a movie theater, blabbing away on a cell phone, shouting out plot turns and generally annoying the audience. And she isn`t done in by the Slasher, either.

Cheri Oteri from "Saturday Night Live" is Gail Hailstorm, a superaggressive TV newswoman who stops at nothing (or stoops to anything, if you prefer) to get her story - nothing. You`ll barely recognize Dave Sheridan from MTV`s "Buzzkill" as Doofy, the retarded deputy sheriff who somehow always seems to be in the right place at the wrong time.

Shawn Wayans is the high school football hero, Ray, with a closetful of secrets. Marlon Wayans hams it up as Shorty, a crackhead who sees dead people. Only Lochlyn Munro, as the violent ringleader Greg, can be accused of acting in this romp - perhaps too much dramatic acting. His "seriousness" almost throws off the cartoon party atmosphere.

Whatever. "Scary Movie" is a hoot. Not one for your young teen, but then neither should the movies it parodies - but guess who is making Hollywood rich on that garbage?ALSO THIS WEEK

"Shaft" (Paramount, R, VHS/DVD) - Who`s the man, baby? Yeah, that`s right, Richard Roundtree. But this is 2000, nearly 30 years after Roundtree gave blaxploitation a massive popular-culture audience with his super-cool Shaft.

In this updated homage, Samuel L. Jackson is outstanding as the nephew of the original Shaft out to do right in a world filled with corrupt cops, judges and government hacks. He`s after a wealthy racist (Christian Bale), who murdered a black man. John Singleton directs and clearly has a reverence for the work of the groundbreaking original.

Also stars Vanessa Williams, Busta Rhyme, Dan Hedaya and Toni Collette. (Don`t miss Roundtree`s return as Uncle Shaft.)

"The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg" (Globalstage, $27) - Eighth in a series of stagings of classic literature by theatrical groups, aimed at the whole family. Previous family-oriented titles include "Pinocchio," "Cyrano" and "Island of Dr. Moreau." This Mark Twain yarn is performed by the Perskey Ridge Players on location in Glasgow, Mont. (Available by calling (888) 324-5623 or check the Web site www.globalstage.net.)

"Human Traffic" (Miramax, R) - The weekend is party time for five young Brits in dead-end jobs - with some meaning-of-life inquiry tossed in between tossing back pints. Young ensemble cast - don`t bother, you haven`t heard of any of them (yet) - give "idiosyncratic" and "neurotic" a good name.

"The Legend" (Dimension, R) - Jet Li is a young martial arts expert whose own father is part of a secret underground rebel group bent on overthrowing the evil emperor. The young man must boldly confront the emperor in order to save his father`s life.

"The Road to El Dorado" (DreamWorks, PG, DVD, VHS/$16) - The funny, animated side of genocide is brought to you in PG form. Yes, before there was a Cortez and his Conquistadors to wipe out the indigenous tribes there was a pair of stumblebum adventurers searching for the mystical city of El Dorado. Music by Elton John and Tim Rice. Voices by Kenneth Branagh, Rosie Perez, Armand Assante, Edward James Olmos and Kevin Kline.

"Air Bud: World Pup" (Disney, G, VHS/$20, DVD) - The wonder dog, Wally, continues his conquest of sports. This time the amazing pup takes up soccer, finds love with another golden retriever and fathers a brood.

"Mambo Cafe" (A-Pix, PG-13, VHS/rental, DVD) - All Nydia (Latino singer Thalia) wants to do is go to college. But first she must save the family restaurant from financial ruin. Her plan requires a few tricky steps - a murder and the support of the mob, among them. Ensemble cast for this romantic comedy includes Paul Rodriguez, Danny Aiello, Rosanna DeSoto and Robert Costanzo.B-MOVIE HEAVEN

Pair of "Jacks" to open.

"Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman" (A-PIX, R, VHS/DVD) - Jack is back, and he ain`t pushin` burgers, bubba. He`s got revenge on his cold-blooded little mind. Sheriff Sam got his once with anti-freeze, but not this time. This stone-cold killer tracks Sam to the Caribbean where he wants to bust up the lawman`s idyllic vacation.

"Crackerjack 3" (Monarch, R, DVD/VHS) - An old hand in the CIA is about to retire, but first he`s got to take down the new director of covert operations - a bad, bad man - who is attempting what so many bad guys before him have lusted after: complete global economic collapse, followed by world domination. Oliver Gruner, Bo Svenson and Leo Rossie star.FOREIGN AFFAIRS

Two for the Asian Road.

"Shower (Xizao)" (Columbia TriStar, PG-13, DVD/VHS) - Chinese comedy about Da Ming, a successful, urbane businessman who is summoned to his father`s old-style bathhouse by a younger brother. He eventually must choose between his modern lifestyle with its prosperity and the family and strong heritage of tradition imbued in the bathhouse and its wacky clientele (in Mandarin with English subtitles.)

"Kikujiro" (Columbia TriStar, PG-13, VHS/DVD) - An 8-year-old boy encounters many unpredictable adventures on a quest to find the mother he never knew. He is accompanied by an older "tough guy," who sees him through to a destination neither imagined when they set out on their adventure. (Japanese with English subtitles.)DVD UPDATE

Paramount Home Video unloads a boatload of titles on DVD this week:

"Children of a Lesser God," with William Hurt and Marlee Matlin; "The Odd Couple" with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau; "An Officer and a Gentleman" with Louis Gossett Jr., Richard Gere and Debra Winger; "The Conversation," directed by Francis Ford Coppola.COMING ATTRACTIONS

Jan. 16, 2001: John Travolta`s ode to alien cod pieces and L. Ron Hubbard, "Battlefield Earth."

Jan. 23, 2001: Cirque du Soleil returns with another brilliant performance video, "Dralion." Also, the Jamie Foxx comedy-thriller "Jail Bait."

Feb. 6, 2001: Andre Braugher and Natasha Henstridge in the action-thriller "A Better Way to Die."

Feb. 13, 2001: One sweetheart of a teen screamer: "Urban Legends: Final Cut."

Feb. 27, 2001: Dutch film from rising young writer-director Robert Jan Westdijk, "Little Sister."

(c) Copley News Service

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Author: Robert J. Hawkins