Talking to Your Children

by ABC NEWS | Sep 15, 2001
Talking to Your Children Parents should expect children to be filled with a lot of questions and concerns following the devastating terrorist attacks on New York and Washington. The experts also advise parents to be upfront and honest when explaining what has happened.

But they recommend that the information be age-appropriate, handled gently, and be explained in terms children will understand.

"One way you could explain it," says Bennett Leverthal, director of child and adolescent psychology at the University of Chicago, is that "there are people at school who misbehave, and they don`t use civil ways to solve things, they fight, and that`s wrong. But, explain to them that their friends aren`t terrorists."

Provide Reassurance

After talking about these violent events, parents should immediately make sure their children feel safe by reassuring them that they`re not in danger.

"Kids are going to be very concerned about what`s going to happen to them and their family," says Harold Fishbein, a child psychologist at the University of Cincinnati. "Tell them, yes, everyone is at risk for something like this to happen to them, but the risk is extremely small."

Dr. Kenneth Fletcher, associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts School of Medicine, tells parents not to force children to talk about the attacks if they don`t want to.

But if they do, "let them get their feelings out. Let them make drawings or write stories. And above all, hold them, kiss them, spend time with them, and comfort them. Tell them that everyone has similar feelings, although the world can sometimes be a scary place, it is still a safe place for the most part. " Also, talk about what is happening in the aftermath of the events.

"Keep children informed of all steps being taken to rescue and help the survivors, and to find the people who are responsible," says Lawrence Balter, a psychology professor at New York University. "Also, invite them to openly express their anxiety and fear, and reassure them that their actions are understandable."

Good Morning America`s Dr. Tim Johnson said teenagers may have an apparently inappropriate response, such as using glib language. "That`s just their way of handling it," he said.

Dealing With Television Footage

No doubt the airwaves will be filled with more and more horrifying footage in the days to come. Most experts say it`s OK for children to watch, but advise parents to sit with them and explain what is happening, to help them make sense of it all.

"It may be helpful to limit the amount of television they watch," says Jeff Brown, a psychologist at McLean Hospital in Massachusetts.

"But, then again it`s a piece of history. If kids are prone to anxiety, then limit the amount of television. Keep in mind that as adults, we have better resources to make sense of things."

Johnson said parents should limit smaller children`s access to potentially traumatic television images. "Don`t let them see these pictures on a repetitive basis."

Looking Ahead

In the days ahead, experts say there are certain signs parents can look for to tell if their children have been affected by the tragedy.

"First of all, watch for eating and sleeping problems. Younger kids may have nightmares, or not want to sleep alone in their beds," says Dr. Eric Benjamin, director of psychiatric services at the Phoenix Children`s Hospital.

"Other children might not want to eat, or will act clingy and have separation anxiety and not want to leave the house. Older kids start showing the same signs as adults. Feelings of grief may lead them to become tearful or [express] anger."

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Author: ABC NEWS

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